We recognize that not all birthing people give birth with a romantic partner present. Therefore, this information also applies to the person you choose to accompany you during the birth of your baby. If you are in a romantic partnership, you may have been together for months or years. You have settled into your own routines and rhythms, and you may have experienced many challenges together.
When pregnancy comes in, beside the great joy and excitement, you may see that new aspects of your relationship unfold. You are going to be faced with a big shared responsibility: a little human being that is going to depend entirely on you.
But before starting this journey together with a little baby in your arms, there is another challenge to face: welcoming your little bundle of joy in the world through the birth process.
Birth is always powerful and life-changing, and it may even bring us feelings of uncertainty, sometimes it even triggers old fears and emotions.
The process of birth is also a very intense physical experience, manifested in the complex dance of hormones that need to do their work to bring your baby earth-side.
That’s why a birthing person needs a partner who she trusts, someone who makes them feel confident and empowered about their body, and supports them in feeling capable and in control.
From the partner’s point of view, there may be a gap of understanding (because they may not be able to relate to the physiologic reality of birth) may result in fear and worry. How hard is it to see our beloved overwhelmed by the intensity of surges, to see things happen and evolve without knowing if it’s all normal and healthy? Therefore, preparation is key.
Here we share 5 tips for birth partners to be the best support possible:
1. Take care of yourself and enjoy the experience.
Enjoy? YES! Birth is powerful and beautiful, and it’s an honour and a blessing to be the witness of a new life coming into the world. If this is your own child, it is even more something that you will treasure for life. Enjoy being a team with your partner,, use this special time to bond even stronger than before, savour your last moments as a duo and get ready for the big amazing change that is happening in front of your eyes. And take care of yourself too! Your role is so important and needed, so remember to eat a bite here and there, stay hydrated and, if your partner is resting, rest a bit as well. It takes two to tango, also during birth.
2. Stay by the birthing person’s side. Remember what’s important for them.
Of course, you should trust your medical professional and listen carefully to your doctor and midwife. But remember, beside the healthy outcome for mother and baby, birth is much much more. Your birthing partner is the one who should always have a say, and since birth is a very vulnerable moment, you need to protect them. Ask all the questions that are necessary to the staff, remember your and your partner’s preferences and try to prioritise them as much as possible.. Understanding and assertively accepting what’s happening can make a huge difference. Don’t be afraid to ask for information and options.
3. Keep the communication open
As we said, it’s not always easy to understand each other in a moment where our bodily and emotional feelings are so intensified. Keep your ears and heart open. Always ask your partner what they would like, or ask whether the things you are doing comfort them. . If you give a massage, check the pressure, is it the right spot you are touching? If your partner suddenly changes their mind, don’t feel bad or take it personally. Labour is an evolving experience, and what was feeling amazing five minutes before, can now be disrupting. It’s not your fault, just adapt. From your side, remember: praise and encouragement are never enough. Show your partner you are proud of then, let them know you believe in them, and you see them as wonderful, powerful and capable.
4. Never forget the basics: water, food, air
Be caring. Offer some water after every surge. If water does not feel right, you can opt for offering coconut water, sparkling water, water with lemon or even alternate with some electrolyte balanced drinks. Use a straw if that is easier. Make sure there are enough snacks at hand, and make sure your partner keeps eating especially in the early stages (as labor costs a lot of energy!). Some ideas for snacks are: salty/savory crackers, sweet energy balls or dates and fruit, and before labor gets intense it can be nice to eat a protein and fat-rich meal. And lastly: make sure to assist your partner in their breathing. Keeping control of respiration is key in labor. Just gently remind your partner to breathe, or better, show an example and enhance your own breathing. One wave at time.
5. Be a steady physical support
Let your voice and your body be an instrument of support. Calm speaking and encouraging (or silence when it’s needed), hugs, pressure, physical containment, dancing together are all ways to support. Let your birthing partner hang on you or squeeze your hand. Help them to get into and hold the positions that make them feel good. Rub their arms, stroke their back, hold their feet. Let them experience on a visceral level that you’re there and you are not leaving.
This blog is written by our doula Chiara Cortesi.
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